It is an alarming issue throughout the world.

cyberbullying, child abuse, bullying

For Repeat Readers,Thank you, scroll down past line; “pass this on to your people.” We need your viewpoints and comments.

Nearly 1 in 5 students in an average classroom is experiencing bullying

Bullying starts in many American homes.

Each year, siblings abuse 19 million children…in their own home.

My name is Nancy Fox-Kilgore,M.S http://www.siblingbullies.com

Sample Read.

For Newcomers, Welcome! Read the Mission Statement:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIBZa90clhk

Mission Statement:

To present hopeful educational information that heightens awareness about, bullies, bullying, and child abuse.  It helps uncover that bullies, whether they are cyber bullies or aggressive bullies that utilize face-to-face contact, are often created in home settings. Cyberbullying is often first practiced on siblings. Siblings are now being publicly humiliated, rejected, or hated.

Because of our present economy that provides conditions where children are not supervised or parented, the basic goal is to impart prevention information that keeps us safe from the aggressions of children/adolescents and those who are yet unborn.

It is a beacon of light to all adult survivors, over 80 million, who are recovering from sibling abuse in their childhoods. Many adults recovering from sibling abuse can have: distrust, difficulty in relationships/domestic violence involvement, addictions, eating disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, anxiety, self-injury, thoughts of suicide, and poor parenting patterns.

**** Please leave your comments. Share resources, stats, books, poems, your heart, etc.
___________________________________________________________

Stat/Thought For Today: Throughout history, society ignored violent acts between siblings and often excused them as normal behavior. Violent acts among siblings is 8OO per 1000.

Bully-Proof Thought o not overload an older child with adult tasks of babysitting, etc. Aggression often comes back to the younger child.

Thought For Adult Survivors:

“Lay down the boogie and play that funky music til ya die…..”

Ask yourself how intense and chaotic has sibling abuse in childhood, done to your adulthood? Many sibling adult survivors, because of the abuse from a trusted sibling(s), have destructive lives of chaos. We move alot, have problematic-negative relationships, use drugs or alcohol, are depressed, and sometimes have suicidal ideation. The reason for this is that our beginning brain became a trauma brain. The first circuits that were being formed in our brain knew trauma. The imprint is often a deep one. The cognitions that go with us into our teen, adult, and often senior years is that we do not deserve to enjoy life and are not worthy of happiness.

Much love to you today.

Statement From An Anonymous Survivor: My brother told me that I would be O.K. if I jumped off the roof. I wasn’t. My arm was broken. In the emergency room, I had a cast put on. The authorities or child protective services was not called. The abuse was from a family member and it was alright to receive it. I learned that I was worthless and suffer from low self esteem and addictions in my adult life.

Commentary: It is the adult sibling abuse survivors who will impact and change the lives of little children who are now “getting it” from a sibling(s). The appeal has been put out there to adult survivors to “come out from wherever you are” and help this great cause. You are needed. Your voices and your comments are needed for a new movement. This movement needs to launch and I needs your help. There are well over 80 million adult survivors in America alone who are in stages of recovery from being violated and abused by their sibling(s). This abuse can come from a cousin or a step-sibling.  My prayer is for you at whatever hour this comes to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckH3V_xOCnQ&feature=related

Your input is needed here. We are a community. Leave your ideas, share your story, comments…

It is an alarming issue throughout the world.

cyberbullying, child abuse, bullying

For Repeat Readers,Thank you, scroll down past line; “pass this on to your people.” We need your viewpoints and comments.

Nearly 1 in 5 students in an average classroom is experiencing bullying

Bullying starts in many American homes.

Each year, siblings abuse 19 million children…in their own home.

My name is Nancy Fox-Kilgore,M.S http://www.siblingbullies.com

Sample Read.

For Newcomers, Welcome! Read the Mission Statement:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIBZa90clhk

Mission Statement:

To present hopeful educational information that heightens awareness about, bullies, bullying, and child abuse.  It helps uncover that bullies, whether they are cyber bullies or aggressive bullies that utilize face-to-face contact, are often created in home settings. Cyberbullying is often first practiced on siblings. Siblings are now being publicly humiliated, rejected, or hated.

Because of our present economy that provides conditions where children are not supervised or parented, the basic goal is to impart prevention information that keeps us safe from the aggressions of children/adolescents and those who are yet unborn.

It is a beacon of light to all adult survivors, over 80 million, who are recovering from sibling abuse in their childhoods. Many adults recovering from sibling abuse can have: distrust, difficulty in relationships/domestic violence involvement, addictions, eating disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, anxiety, self-injury, thoughts of suicide, and poor parenting patterns.

**** Please leave your comments. Share resources, stats, books, poems, your heart, etc.
___________________________________________________________

Stat/Thought For Today: Many adult survivors of sibling abuse have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Everyday, adult sibling abuse survivors are misdiagnosed. They are drugged and have electric shock treatments everyday in America.

Bully-Proof Thought:To alleviate bullying within a family, have a mission statement of conduct and place it in a noticeable place in the house. Refer to it often and reinforce the contents in weekly meetings.

Thought For Adult Survivors: Ask yourself how much you pay to stay in contact with a family that does not acknowledge the injustice done to you as a child. Are you subjected to laughing about what happened? Are you look upon as a liar?

Statement From A Survivor: He hammered the fingers on my right hand. When I had to go to the emergency room, he gave me a signal with his index finger and his throat. The gesture meant that my throat would be cut.

Commentary:  When adult sibling abuse survivors are born, they know nothing of malice or evil. When it comes to them through a sibling bully, their entire life can be affected. The inner strength to keep going is seldom recognized as a feat of courage. The fight to go through life is not recognized because sibling abuse survivors do not recognize  that the abuse in childhood could be hurtful.  The lost productivity  to America can not be calculated.

Survivors are often clueless as to why they have problematic work relationships, dysfunctional/maladaptive children, financial difficulties, or are considered misfits or undesirables by their families. Because their lives are often in financial crisis, they are often in need of monies or owe money from family members. Very few family members embrace the sibling abuse survivor because they are a threat to the solidarity and resources of the family unit. Sibling abuse survivors are not often able to handle the rejection and move away, go into homelessness, are on welfare records, and have problematic relationships with their children(s).

It is rare that a sibling abuse survivor is embraced in a loving family meeting. They are often laughed at, distanced, disowned, not asked to attend special family events, and are sometimes not briefed as to a family member’s death, inheritance, or whereabouts of the dead body. They can have very lonely lives and can be very depressed. Their mental thoughts can be consumed with self-loathing and perfectionism. Their child(ren), in their adulthood, can disown or humiliate them.

Many sibling abuse survivor’s lives were transformed through their entrance into the world as a baby.

Your input is needed here. We are a community. Leave your ideas, share your story, comments…

   Bullying in America is epidemic.

It is an alarming issue throughout the world.

cyberbullying, child abuse, bullying

For Repeat Readers,Thank you, scroll down past line; “pass this on to your people.” We need your viewpoints and comments.

Nearly 1 in 5 students in an average classroom is experiencing bullying

Bullying starts in many American homes.

Each year, siblings abuse 19 million children…in their own home.

My name is Nancy Fox-Kilgore,M.S http://www.siblingbullies.com

Sample Read.

For Newcomers, Welcome! Read the Mission Statement:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIBZa90clhk

Mission Statement:

To present hopeful educational information that heightens awareness about, bullies, bullying, and child abuse.  It helps uncover that bullies, whether they are cyber bullies or aggressive bullies that utilize face-to-face contact, are often created in home settings. Cyberbullying is often first practiced on siblings. Siblings are now being publicly humiliated, rejected, or hated.

Because of our present economy that provides conditions where children are not supervised or parented, the basic goal is to impart prevention information that keeps us safe from the aggressions of children/adolescents and those who are yet unborn.

It is a beacon of light to all adult survivors who are recovering from sibling abuse in their childhoods. Many adults recovering from sibling abuse can have: distrust, difficulty in relationships, addictions, eating disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, anxiety, self-injury, thoughts of suicide, and poor parenting patterns.

****This blog is focused on the comments of the readers. Please leave your comments. Share resources, stats, books, poems etc.
___________________________________________________________

Stat For Today: In a survey of 57 randomly selected families,  a high level of physical violence between siblings was found. In another survey of 2143 families, researchers concluded that violent acts between sibling occurred more frequently than parent-child or husband-wife violence.

Bully-Proof Thought:To alleviate bullying within a family, be investigative as to the activities in children’s bedrooms.

Thought For Adult Survivors: Acknowledge to yourself if you are more fortified after a visit with an abusive sibling(s). Check in with yourself and ask if you feel more depressed or agitated. Often times in adult lives, the abused sibling, in adulthood, can feel victimized.

Commentary:  Teenagers who are either bullied or abused in the home by a sibling, need our attention. The teenage brain is in a developmental stage and can be impulsive. Suicide is directly related to bullying or the abuse from a sibling(s). Logical thinking is often not in place when a teenager is agitated or depressed. Cutting oneself, eating disorders, and the usage of drugs/alcohol are corollary to abuse sustained by a classmate or a sibling(s). The aggressions between step-teenagers are often more amplified than biological children. The most common forms of physical abuse are hitting, slapping, pushing, punching, biting, hair pulling, scratching, and pinching.  In the home setting, victims have been hit with broom handles, rubber hose, coat hanger, hairbrush, belt and sticks. Broken glass, knives, razor blades, and scissors have been used. Abuse by biological and non-biological siblings is shown in cyberbullying.

Because the teenager will be entering adulthood, it would be helpful if there were more psychological screenings or school interventions in regard to abuse by a peer or a sibling. This stance will be cost-effective in alleviating welfare costs, substance abuse, homelessness, usage of anti-depressants, and dysfunctional parenting.

Your input is needed here. We are a community. Leave your ideas, share your story, comments…

cyberbullying, child abuse, bullying

Bullying in America is epidemic. It is an alarming issue throughout the world.

Nearly 1 in 5 students in an average classroom is experiencing bullying

Bullying starts in many American homes.

Each year, siblings abuse 19 million children…in their own home.

My name is Nancy Fox-Kilgore, http://www.siblingbullies.com

Sample Read.

For Newcomers, Welcome! Read the Mission Statement:

For Repeat Readers,Thank you, scroll down past line; “pass this on to your people.” We need your viewpoints and comments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIBZa90clhk

Mission Statement:

To present hopeful educational information that heightens awareness about, bullies, bullying, and child abuse.  It helps uncover that bullies, whether they are cyber bullies or aggressive bullies that utilize face-to-face contact, are often created in home settings. Cyberbullying is often first practiced on siblings. Siblings are now being publicly humiliated, rejected, or hated.

Because of our present economy that provides conditions where children are not supervised or parented, the basic goal is to impart prevention information that keeps us safe from the aggressions of children/adolescents and those who are yet unborn.

It is a beacon of light to all adult survivors who are recovering from sibling abuse in their childhoods. Many adults recovering from sibling abuse can have: distrust, difficulty in relationships, addictions, eating disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, anxiety, self-injury, thoughts of suicide, and poor parenting patterns.

****This blog is focused on the comments of the readers. Please leave your comments. Share resources, stats, books, poems etc.
___________________________________________________________

Stat For Today: 53 out of a 100 children, are seriously abused by a sibling

Bully-Proof Thought:To alleviate bullying within a family, have weekly family meetings.

Thought For Adult Survivors: The thoughts systems that many adult sibling abuse survivors walk around with are not logical. The trauma can live in distorted thinking and can last a lifetime: “I must be bad if my sister(s)/or brother(s) did this to me.” “I am not worthy of happiness. I am worthless because my brother(s)/sister(s) said so.” “I am powerless. I need someone outside of me to take care of me.” “Nothing good ever happens for me.” Pinpoint negative statements and balance with supportive, compassionate thought patterns: “This was a bad morning. The afternoon will get better.” “I have a positive inner core and I can feel empowered!”

Commentary: PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is often associated with sibling abuse and bullying. The symptoms of PTSD are: agitation, mood swings, depression, anxiety, wanting to isolate, inability to focus, sleep disturbance, feeling that one is going crazy. PTSD is associated with an event or a pocket of time where the brain was overwhelmed. Individuals with PTSD are misdiagnosed everyday in America. Many people with PTSD are diagnosed with bi-Polar, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, etc. Many adults with PTSD are not able to connect their present lives with the trauma that was perpetrated by a sibling. It is considered a taboo to think that a sibling could do harm to one’s life. Individuals with histories of sibling abuse can be suicidal and have PTSD.

The road of recovery for many survivors of sibling abuse is to get the right diagnosis. It is, in the majority of cases, related to PTSD. PTSD from childhood is called “Complex PTSD.” It is one of the most resistent form of PTSD and hardest to recover from.

Your input is needed here. We are a community. Leave your ideas, share your story, comments…

cyberbullying, child abuse, bullying

Nearly 1 in 5 students in an average classroom is experiencing bullying

Bullying starts in many American homes.

Each year, siblings abuse 19 million children…in their own home.

For Newcomers, Welcome!: read the Mission Statement:

For Repeat Readers, Thank you, scroll down past line; pass this on to your people. We need your viewpoints and comments.

Mission Statement:

To present hopeful educational information that heightens awareness about cyberbullying, bullies, bullying, and child abuse. This blog promotes emotional and mental wellness of children. It helps uncover that bullies, whether they are cyberbullies or aggressive bullies that utilize face-to-face contact, are often created in home settings. Cyberbullying is often first practiced on siblings. Siblings are now being publicly humiliated, rejected, or hated.

Because of our present econmony that provides conditions where children are not supervised or parented, the basic goal is to impart prevention information that keeps us safe from the aggressions of children/adolescents and those who are yet unborn.

It is a beacon of light to all adult survivors who are recovering from sibling abuse in their childhoods. Many adults recovering from sibling abuse can have: distrust, difficulty in relationships, addictions, eating disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, anxiety, self injury, thoughts of suicide, and poor parenting patterns.

****This blog is focused on the comments of the readers. Please leave your comments. Share resources, stats, books, poems etc.
___________________________________________________________

Stat For Today: 10% of the murders in the family are caused by children.

Bully-Proof Thought:If a child is having lunch money stolen, provide a lunch.

Thought For Adult Survivors:Put downs and demeaning humiliation from childhood are often internalized and accepted as perpetuating life perspectives. Let go of people that do not uphold your dignity and self-respect.

Commentary: A child that is unmercifully tickled by a sibling, can have difficulty in intimate relationships in adulthood. Teasing is a form of physical abuse that can be both pleasant and painful. It can put the victim in a situation of helplessness. Some children are tickled to the point of vomiting. Tickling that is utilized where the victim can’t be acknowledged for the ceasing of it, is injurious and detrimental to the beginning brain of the child. Thought systems that can be activated for a lifetime are: I have no control, I am powerless, My opinions are not important, etc.

Your input is needed here. We are a community. Leave your ideas, share your story, comments…

Cyberbullying, Bullying, Child Abuse

Nearly 1 in 5 students in an average classroom is experiencing bullying

Bullying starts in many American homes.

Each year, siblings abuse 19 million children…in their own home.

For Newcomers, Welcome: read the following:
*Connect at http://www.siblingbullies.com for FREE DOWNLOAD: Bully Proof A Child

The Mission of this Blog:

To present hopeful educational information that heightens awareness about cyberbullying, bullies, bullying, and child abuse. This blog promotes emotional and mental wellness of children. It helps uncover that bullies, whether they are cyberbullies or aggressive bullies that utilize face to face contact, are often created in home settings.The audience is teachers, activists, parents, counselors, victims, addicts, and bullied children/adolescents. It is a beacon of light to all adults who are recovering from sibling abuse.

The hope is to impart valuable information about bullying and sibling abuse. The goal is for focus to be put on the family so societal change can occur. It is shared to support children to have safe peer and sibling relationships for positive adulthoods. The basic goal is to impart prevention information that keeps us safe from the aggressions of our children and those who are yet unborn.

****This blog is focused on the comments of the readers. Please leave your comments. Leave resources, stats, books, poems etc.
___________________________________________________________

Stat For Today: 53 out of a 100 children are severely abused by their sibling.

Bully-Proof Thought:Convey to a child a child that they will be heard when they relate that they they are being bullied. Sentence structure: “Your point of view is important to me.” “How did that feel when you received that e-mail.”

Thought For Adult Survivors:You deserve the best life and have rights.

As I have become a Twitterer, I receive comments of disbelief about how aggressive children and adolescents are. I understand aggression. I have lived it all my life. I became educated about it in my home. I am a sibling abuse survivor. I believe that Cyberbullying, bullying, and child abuse can be reduced if we put focus on the family. Presently, children are learning aggressive maneuvers through their siblings. Children who are abused by a sibling, become bullies or accept victimization from other bullies. The bullies in whatever form are coming from the home. Because of our present economy, stress out parents, and the lack of supervision, the home setting has turned into a military bootcamp. The video games are the training films that heighten aggression training towards humans.

Cyberbullying is often first practiced on siblings. Siblings are now being publicly humiliated, rejected, or hated. As a species we have learned to channel our dark sides into social media in the form of facebook, twitter, blogs, texting, etc. The options for social torture chambers have increased.

Your input is needed here. We are a community. Leave your ideas, comments…

#parenting #abuse #ptsd #recovery #EMDR

I am writing to connect with other survivors of sibling abuse. I know that there are millions out there who have had no voice and have never connected their adult lives with what happened so long ago. I hope that by talking about PTSD, there are connections made all over the world about PTSD & Sibling Abuse.

PTSD (Post Truamatic Stress Disorder) is directly related to the sibling abuse that was acquired in childhood. The symptoms are: poor concentration, mood swings, anxiety, depression, wanting to isolate, sleep problems, etc. For most of my adult life, I did not receive the diagnosis of PTSD. In much of my recovery from the sibling abuse, I thought recovery could be forced. I looked for many quick fixes. I can’t tell you how many times I went to bed with the hope that when I woke up, that I would be a new improved version of myself. I would be confident, purposeful, and accomplish amazing goals. I hoped for a miracle and didn’t realize how naive I was to think that over four decades of memories and emotion tied to what had happened in childhood, could just evaporate.

I’ve learned alot in my recovery. For much of it, I didn’t understand that real inner work was required. No one else could do it but me. Because of the domination and control by my sibling, I learned to look to others for some answer or solution. The dependency issues ran deep but no one else could do it but me. I started and stopped my recovery several times. I was always looking for a workshop, counselor, friend, or a pill to undo what my sister had done so many years ago. My evolvement catapulted when I did EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing). As I did this work, my self relationships and relationships changed. My identity changed in increments. Within me was a conscious fight for what I truly wanted to achieve: my self respect.

As I write, I am out past a decade of doing the trauma work. I do feel that I have more confidence and self respect. I have had to let go of dysfunctional relationships. Recovery, at times, as been lonely. I am no longer attracted to things that put life in a crisis mode. My perspective has changed. I have been let out of a mindset prison. My abusive sister and I no longer speak. She will not own up to what she did and has persuaded all my relatives that I am not worthy of contact. I have had to reframe my estrangement from my family. I see myself as the healthy one that got out of the dysfunctional family unit. I see many of my family members as ignorant and uneducated as to what I have gone through. No one in my family unit cares about sibling abuse or what I went through.

PTSD and the recovery from sibling abuse has been worth it. At times it has felt ugly, hard, and I felt trapped with my own impenetrable mind. My real self has come through. I want this same outcome for so many adult survivors of sibling abuse. I want children who are “getting it” now to be spared from the evil hand of sibling abuse.

Sample Read.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1460930614

I honest to God am flying by the seat of my pants in getting these blogs out. I am starting to get some comments! I acknowledge that bullies are created in home settings. Comments from Twitters is that they never knew that a sibling could be abusive. Our culture, and several other countries all over the world are dealing with bullying. The focus for solving this issue is not in the right place. Siblings are the most aggressive family members. The bullies come from home settings and have been practicing on their siblings. The abuse that is in the home from children toward their siblings, both biological and nonbiological (step children), should be given the attention. It isn’t the school setting that we should put our concern toward. As I write, I shudder at the children and teenagers who live in tyranny and have no freedom. They live in America and yet they are in the covert underworld of sibling abuse. Over stressed parents are clueless as to what is going on in their homes.

The earth breaking book for my abuse by a sibling was SIBLING ABUSE by Vernon R. Wiehe. It has stats and information that can help a victim become an empowered survivor.

Listening tip for a parent who is confronted with bullying or sibling abuse: Listen with empathy and focus on feelings. Example: “How did you feel when you were pushed.”
“I am here for you and want to listen.”

Many children, who are in the cycle of bullying or sibling abuse, are criticized and told that they are weak, stupid, etc.

“When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.” Jung

For many years of my life, I could not remember what had happened to me so many years ago. It was not within my consciousness. As I write, I am now apart from my family system and am able to be an activist. It is not an easy life without the embrace of family. I know that there are many of us who have been rejected or considered misfits by our families. For many years of my life, I was gossiped about in regards to my bizarre behavior patterns. I had misdiagnosed PTSD; I was given many mental classifications: Bi-Polar, Borderline, Chronic Depression. I went on several different types of anti-depressants. I made a gallant fight everyday to rise above that which was in the subconscious part of my brain. Instead of my family embracing me for my efforts, I was shunned. I dealt with trauma from almost being murdered by my own sister. I was tortured with my father’s tools and my mother’s sewing scissors. I am a survivor of sibling abuse. It makes me type these words.

Needless to say, I had a bizarre life. I had several addictions. I attracted negative men and girlfriends. Life was done as if I were sleepwalking. I have had to accept the incredible and dangerous things I did. I had no concept of self preservation. What I regret on this side of recovery, after trauma treatment, is my relationship with my son. Our relationship has been full of dysfunction. In this world, I am an orphan woman and also an activist. I have no family or contact with my son. The word “activist” fits who and what I do. I recently self-published a book on my life as a sibling abuse survivor. With the shrapnel of trauma left in my brain, I try diligently to apply myself to understanding social media and how to distribute it. I don’t really know how to blog. I am basically self-taught. My book is the only book in the world where a survivor has told their story of both sibling abuse and bullying. I need a publisher. Marketing my book on my own is just too much. I’d rather be training or speaking out about bullying and sibling abuse. Sometimes, when I am creating a video, I am triggered back to memories of abuse. I find that I really have to take care of myself. It is a very vulnerable enterprise to write and not know where my words are going. I have to let go of feelings of vulnerability. PTSD will be with me for a long time. I know that is a sobering and negative thought. It is one that helps me calculate what I can and can not do.

In having chronic PTSD, I watch who I associate with. I check in with myself when I am tired. I avoid confusing people. I try to not get overloaded. Some days I have anxiety and I just go back to bed. My sister is the culprit of my trauma. She, however, gave me a purpose. I am grateful that I was persistent in my recovery. I glad that a therapist finally gave me the right diagnosis of PTSD. She also told me that EMDR treatment would change my life. It did. I went on to get my master’s degree, became a trainer, and an activist. And here I am…more “conscious” than I have ever been. Sometimes I wish I had accumulated all the knowledge that I have at an earlier stage in life. That wasn’t possible because for the majority of my life I was emotionally ten years old.

Sample Read.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1460930614

#parents #bullies #abuse The brain is truly an amazing place. It comes with us everywhere. It can be a tyrant inside the ball of bone. It is a huddle of neurons that calls all the shots. When a child is abused by a trusted sibling, the young brain remodels itself with the trauma. The imprints are more vivid than if they had happened in adulthood. The young traumatized brain is a universe of nonstop neural conversations that stream with distrust, hypervigilence, and fear. It can shove the abuse from a sibling like dirty clothes stuffed into a gym bag. An abusive past for a survivor of sibling, as well as bullying, can be ever present. The reminder ghosts of the past can show up at any more…at any second. They can show up with an overdue bill, money worries, a flat tire, an angry person, or a small claims court proceeding. The young, traumatized brain can be hot wired for a life time of trying to make sense of the world. A full life is often not realized because of the fear that is trapped in the mental patterns.

The brain of a young child is such a precious place. It is time that parents stop excusing sibling abuse. It is time that parents stop blaming the victim for the abuse they expereinced. It is time that parnets become educated about sibling abuse and what is can do to the productivity and mental patterns of a child. It is time that the media bring the attention towards the aggression that is growing at unprecedented rates in the American home. The closed doors of the family home must open to the scrutingy of a country that cares.